Where I Wanted To Be
by troatie
Summary: Is this where you wanted to be at forty?" Derek receives a birthday card that makes him reconsider many things about his life. Addison, on the other hand, is finally happy with hers. Addek. Addison/Derek. Set after 4x13.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They belong to Shonda & co.**

_A/N: This story is for the awesome Liz (agentaddek) who requested an Addek story and got my inspiration moving. I hope you'll enjoy!_

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**One  
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It was just another normal morning in Seattle. Derek Shepherd sat on the deck of his trailer, nursing his morning coffee and looking at the beautiful view from his beloved piece of land. Enjoying one of life's little pleasures, and waiting – rather impatiently – for Mark to get there. It had become a daily ritual, when their schedules allowed it. Some days they went fishing, other days they just walked around and talked. About new leaves and dream houses, mostly. It was nothing extraordinary, but Derek appreciated the company. It kept his mind engaged in something other than his own thoughts.

When he was alone – when he had time to think – Derek couldn't help but acknowledge that feeling of disappointment that was becoming bigger every day. It was barely noticeable at first. He began feeling a little less proud of his job, a little less enthusiastic about his land and a little less optimistic about his life. And he brushed it off as a small bump on the road and went on with his life, but those little things kept growing until they occupied his mind every second he was alone with his thoughts. And that was why – while their friendship was still not what it once was – he cherished his morning talks with Mark.

"Hey!" Mark's voice stopped his train of thought, and he returned his greeting with a nod. "Got your mail. You have an actual letter this time."

"An actual letter?" Derek glanced at the pale green envelope for a second before shrugging and grabbing his fishing rod. Fishing and meaningless conversation was the perfect way to start a day. "Well, leave them inside, the fish aren't gonna wait for us."

"I'll leave the rest inside. I think you may wanna read this, though."

Derek gave Mark a questioning look before he walked inside, but he understood what he meant as soon as he looked at the envelope in his hand. He knew that handwriting as if it had been his own. The only question was, why was she writing to him? For a split second, he thought some terrible accident had happened and this was some sort of last letter she wrote to let him know what she really thought of him. It seemed like the only logical explanation for it, and she quickly ripped the envelope open, feeling more worried about her than he cared to admit.

"_Happy 40th!_

_Best wishes from your still young friends,_

_Addison, Naomi & Sam (+Maya)"_

His birthday? It was his birthday. He could hardly believe he'd forgotten his fortieth birthday. It was supposed to be one of those important events in a man's life, and he had completely forgotten. Something was definitely not right if he couldn't even remember his own birthday.

"She all right?" Derek snapped out of the shock when he heard Mark's question. Of course he knew who the letter was from; he knew her handwriting just as well as he did. Maybe a little bit worse... or just as well. He didn't know – or care – anymore. And of course he also thought something terribly wrong had had to happen for her to send him a letter, and was worried just as he'd been. Maybe a little more.

"She's fine. Just wishing me a happy birthday." He handed Mark the card as they started walking towards their favorite fishing spot, and let him read it himself. He knew Mark probably wouldn't believe it – he hardly did, himself – if he couldn't see it with his own eyes.

"A happy...?" He didn't have to look at Mark to know his face was probably showing realization right then. "Shit. Sorry, man. I forgot. You know how I am with this stuff."

He knew, because he was exactly the same. For the past fifteen years, Addison had been the one who reminded them of each other's birthdays. Maybe that's why he'd forgotten his own birthday this year. Because she didn't wake him up with some ridiculous – and often delicious – assortment of breakfast goodies to celebrate. Maybe that was also the reason why he'd forgotten his 39th.

"Don't worry about it. I didn't remember either."

Mark chuckled at that. "You forgot your own birthday? Man, you really are old. In fact, I see some grey hairs over there."

Derek instinctively brought one of his hands to his hair, as if Mark pointing at the area would magically bring in the dreaded grey hairs. "That's funny. You're a very funny man. We'll see how funny you are when you turn forty next month." They way Mark's smirk disappeared from his face was enough to make Derek laugh as they stopped walking and started getting ready to fish.

"The new leaf allows me to age gracefully, unlike other people." Derek laughed again and started fishing, only taking his eyes off the water when Mark handed him back the card. "It was nice of her to send it."

They didn't have to pretend they didn't both think of it as Addison's, no matter how many other names she'd written inside. She'd written it, she'd put the address on it and – if their guesses were correct – she had been the one who remembered. "It was nice, yeah."

They stayed silent for a moment, until Mark spoke again. "It was a cheerful message."

Derek nodded again. "It was." He decided he didn't have to say that it was also fairly distant. Or that that had stung a little bit, just like receiving her birthday wishes grouped with those of their friends. It wasn't important enough to voice it. She wasn't important enough anymore.

"She seems cheerful now. When she came here... she seemed happy and cheerful." Mark said it as if he'd been talking to himself. Still looking at the water, and with a forced nonchalant air about it. And Derek couldn't blame him. She was their taboo topic. The one they avoided as if the mere mention of her name could break the fragile friendship they were still rebuilding. To be honest, Derek was quite sure it could.

"She did."

Derek's dry answer was enough to make Mark drop the subject, and they fell into another silence – less comfortable this time – and focused on fishing instead.

x.x.x

"Good morning, Dell!"

Addison's cheerful greeting startled him enough to jump a little on his seat. His boss had been in this bright and almost bubbly mood for two weeks now, and he couldn't help but find it slightly unsettling. Not that he didn't like this new Addison – she'd let him do more happy paps in two weeks than the old one had in seven months – but he was always waiting for the old Addison to come back as suddenly as she left. He had to admit, all the wondering was more nerve-wrecking – by far – than the actual scary boss.

"Mrs. Hernandez is waiting for you. She's with Pete, getting ready for the holistic water birth she requested."

Addison's right eyebrow arched up ever so slightly at that, and Dell winced in anticipation. If there was something that could bring the old Addison back in all her bitchy glory, that had to be the mention of a holistic water birth. And he was alone with her. Just great.

But the smile didn't leave her face, and she even thanked him when he handed her the file. "A water birth, huh? Well, I'll call you when the baby's ready to come. It'll be good midwifery practice for you."

And, with another bright smile his way, she kept walking, leaving Dell alone with his fears.

x.x.x

Back at the trailer, Derek was grilling the two rainbow trout as Mark pretended to be busy cleaning the fishing supplies. He knew he wasn't good at it, and he knew Derek would re-do the job as soon as he was back from the hospital, but he needed something to do while he tried to find a safe topic to touch.

The card – and its sender – was still present in the air, but he knew it'd be better not to talk about it for now. Not while they were still trying to get their friendship back on its feet.

After a few more silent minutes, and while they ate their fish, Mark finally spoke. "So, forty. Is this where you wanted to be at forty?"

"In my own piece of beautiful land, having the trout I just fished for breakfast and spending some time with an old friend?" And he smiled as he continued. "Sure. This is pretty much where I wanted to be at forty."

"No, I meant..." Mark gestured with his fork as he tried to find the right words. "I meant in your life."

Derek took a moment to think about Mark's question. Was this where he wanted to be in his life at forty? It was, in a way. He was the best at his job. His dream job. He saved lives on a daily basis and was respected by his colleagues. He lived in a nice city, in his own piece of land, knowing he could spend all his free time fishing, barbequing or just being outside. It was exactly what he'd always wanted. But it wasn't enough.

When he thought of himself at forty, he always saw himself surrounded by his family. A wife he loved and who loved him, a few kids to teach how to fish and play catch, and maybe even a dog. He'd always wanted to have the whole package by the time he was forty. He thought he'd be happy. And he wasn't miserable, but he wasn't happy. He couldn't actually remember the last time he'd felt completely happy.

"Not really." And he sighed and left the fork on his plate, the trout not looking so delicious anymore. "No."

Mark nodded and sat back on his chair, looking somewhere between thoughtful and determined. "Me neither."

"Is this your new leaf?" Mark nodded again, staring at his plate as if the trout could give him some advice. "It's one depressing leaf, if you ask me. The old one suited you better."

And Mark half-chuckled and shook his head, letting Derek take the plates inside. The trout really didn't look that appealing anymore.

x.x.x

"Morning, Nae!" Addison walked into the kitchen and went for the refrigerator, the beaming smile never leaving her face. "Violet, good morning."

Violet didn't look up from the file she was reading. "Still happy, I see."

"Healthy baby boy, ten fingers, ten toes and nursing like a champ. And I didn't even have to get my scrubs wet with birthing pool water." She poured herself a glass of juice and leaned against the counter. "I am still very happy."

"Good." Violet nodded to herself, not really paying attention. "Good."

But Naomi didn't agree with her. "Are you gonna tell us what's going on? You've been high on life for two weeks now, it's creepy and you're scaring Dell."

"Nothing's going on, Nae. I told you, I just... found the magic, that's all."

"Oh, come on!" Naomi was starting to lose her patience. Not that she didn't like Addison being this happy – she was glad for her friend – but something about her happiness appearing just when she came back from her lightning visit to Seattle made her think there was something she wasn't telling her. "We both know magic is not enough to turn you into... this."

Addison shook her head, but she couldn't say anything before Violet spoke again. "When magic is a euphemism for sex with a hot man in uniform, it can definitely turn you into that."

"Kevin has nothing to do with it..." Addison let out a quiet giggle at her friends' disbelieving looks. "Okay, maybe he has a little bit to do with it."

"You're giggling, now?" Naomi couldn't believe her eyes. "She's giggling. Violet! You hate happy people, say something to her."

Violet picked up an apple and shrugged at Naomi. "Look at her, she's even more of a crazy now. I like her."

"Come on! I'm not crazy, I'm just happy! I'm being Zen, and LA and happy, what is wrong with that?"

"It's freaking me out!" Naomi used the banana she was peeling to point accusingly at Addison. "You nearly have a nervous breakdown before boarding the plane to Seattle, and you come back being this sugary version of yourself, smiling and working with Pete and teaching Dell and sending birthday cards! Who did you sleep with in Seattle? Was it the lustful intern? Mark? Oh, my God, Addison Forbes Montgomery, was it Derek!?"

"I didn't sleep with anyone, Nae." Addison chuckled to herself, as if the thought was nothing short of ridiculous. "Being back there for a day made me realize I made the right choice. I am now officially too happy and cheerful for Seattle, and I'm very glad to be back home. I am exactly where I want to be at this point in my life."

Addison left the room after shooting them one last bright smile, and Naomi frowned at the banana in her hand, as if it was the reason for her friend being suddenly too happy to be considered sane.

"There's cake in the refrigerator." Naomi's face softened considerably at that, but she cocked her eyebrow at Violet a second later.

"Who baked it?" Better safe than sorry. Her life was confusing enough with Sam and Dell without bringing in the cakes.

"I don't know, a baker I guess. I bought it on my way here." She didn't feel the need to elaborate on the reasons behind that purchase. They both knew Cooper and Charlotte King were better left unmentioned.

"Good." And she took the cake out, feeling the promise of chocolate already lightening her mood.

x.x.x

Scrubbing out of his last surgery of the day, Derek couldn't stop thinking about Mark's question. He wasn't happy. But, more importantly, he was stuck. Everyone around him was moving on, changing and adapting to those changes, but he was exactly where he was when he moved to Seattle. Still dating but not giving it his all. Still alone, because he didn't let anyone get close enough to really feel that change. He was stuck.

Around him, people had obviously changed in the last year. Richard was trying to get his wife back and faced his job with new enthusiasm. Miranda had her new clinic and her new son. Preston was in a new city, earning prestigious awards. Meredith was changing medical history and seeming more and more similar to the old, happier Meredith he met when he moved to Seattle every day. Even Mark, a man who hadn't changed one bit since his hormones went crazy at sixteen, was turning a new leaf. And Derek was stuck.

"Do you remember the last time you were truly happy?"

Mark looked up from the chart he was reading, slightly startled by Derek's sudden appearance. "What?"

"The last time you were completely happy." Derek leaned against Mark's desk. "The last time you felt like your life was going exactly as it should be."

"I don't know..." Mark ran his hand through his hair as he thought about it. "The summer before med school. I had my spot at Columbia, I didn't have to work or study for two months and I could spend every minute of the day chatting up new girls or hanging out with my friends." He smiled at the memory. "That was the last time I felt completely happy."

Derek nodded and stared at the wall, almost as if he was pretending he didn't know Mark was in the room. "I can't remember the last time I felt as if there was nothing I'd change in my life. I don't think I ever did."

It was true. First, it was getting into college, and then into med school. Then having a girlfriend, becoming a doctor, getting married, starting his residency, becoming a neurosurgeon, the head of his service, the best in his field, and then Chief of Surgery. He'd been so busy waiting for each new thing he needed to get the whole package, that he forgot to enjoy what he already had.

"Maybe it's an adult thing, you know? Maybe adults with real lives and real jobs aren't supposed to feel completely happy."

But Mark shook his head at Derek's words. "Adults can be happy too. We just need to change what's keeping us unhappy and move on."

"Why are you so sure?" Truth be told, Mark had never been known for his optimism. It was rather shocking to hear him talk about happiness and hope.

Mark debated whether or not to tell him what was on his mind. His common sense told him to shrug it off, but he had a feeling speaking up could be a good thing to do. "Because she did it, and she's happy."

He didn't need to explain. Derek knew perfectly well who he was talking about, and he had to admit he was making a good point. Addison did seem happy the last time they saw her, and his birthday card only agreed with that. "So... a change?"

Mark nodded at his friend. "A change."

x.x.x

"I'm coming!" Addison half-ran from her couch to the front door, cocking an eyebrow at the sight of Naomi holding a bottle of wine. "If you're here to talk me into going back to my old bitter self, you are wasting your time."

Naomi smiled at her friend. "I'm sorry I've been trying to rain on your parade." She really was. A few days had gone by since their talk in the kitchen, and she'd used them to nag Addison relentlessly about her – in Naomi's opinion – unhealthy happiness. "I believe you when you say you've found the magic, and I bring wine. In the spirit of friendship."

Addison couldn't help but smile – not that it was unusual on her those days – at Naomi, and she stepped aside to let her walk inside. "Get the blankets; I'll go get the glasses."

"So... you and Kevin, huh?" Naomi smirked at her friend as they sat on the deck. "How's that going?"

Addison smiled and handed her a glass. "It's going great, actually. He's mature, sweet, he makes me laugh, he's smart..." Her smile got brighter as she went on, and Naomi found herself smiling with her. "And, let's face it, the man's hot."

Both friends chuckled at that. "He sounds pretty perfect."

"He is." Addison nodded behind her glass. "He's perfect."

"So the thing with Pete is over?" Naomi wanted to make sure this cheerful Addison wasn't just a temporary thing until the big meltdown happened. She loved her friend, but Addison had never been good at making the right choices when it came to the men in her life.

"It's over. We talked about it like the adults we are, realized we're not what each other wants or needs, and decided to be friends."

Naomi nodded and grinned proudly at her friend. "Well, I'm glad you found the magic."

Addison smiled at her. "So am I."

x.x.x

"I've been thinking about what you said the other day."

Mark looked up from his scotch and turned on his stool to give Derek his undivided attention. "I say many things. Insightful things. Which one made you think?"

Derek let out a chuckle at that. "The one about adults needing change to be happy."

"You've been thinking about that since last week?" Mark smirked at him. "You really are getting old."

"Very funny." Derek looked at his glass. "Anyway. I think I do need change. And there's this hospital that's been trying to get me to join their team, so I've decided to accept their offer." He finished his drink and motioned for Joe to bring him another. "New city, new job, new people... I think it'll be good for me."

"You're moving?" Derek nodded as a reply, and Mark stayed silent for a moment. He did think Derek needed change, the man was obviously unhappy, but he didn't think change meant a different city. With both Addison and Derek gone, he'd feel more alone than he cared to admit. "What did the Chief think about that?"

"He wasn't happy." That was the understatement of the year. He distinctly recalled Richard telling him – or yelling at him – to ask Mark and Hahn if they wanted to leave as well so he could be the only attending in the hospital. "But he understands." At least he thinks he did. He hoped so.

"So what happens with you and Grey? I thought that was what you wanted." He wasn't the only one who thought so. McDreamy and Grey seemed to be the mascots of the hospital, for some reason Mark couldn't exactly understand. He thought golden couples were supposed to be... well, couples.

"Meredith and I... we need distance." In the few days he'd spent thinking about happiness and ways to find it, he'd realized working together wasn't helping with his and Meredith's. They didn't work out as a couple, and they'd never really been away from each other. They kept each other around, in some sort of middle ground between together and apart, and neither of them could move forward.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't love Meredith. He did. But he loved her with conditions. He loved her but needed her to give him more. He loved her but needed her to change. And he realized he'd been selfish when he asked her to change when he had no intention whatsoever to do the same. Derek loved her enough to realize she deserved to be loved unconditionally.

"And she agrees with that?"

Derek nodded behind his glass. "I don't make her happy. She doesn't make me happy. We both know it's best for us to have some time apart to be able to move on." The talk with Meredith had been surprisingly calmed, adult and almost painless. She really was trying to move forward.

"Wow, you and Grey behaving like adults? That's new."

Derek chuckled at that. "Moving is already paying off."

"And what about Rose? Was she also happy to hear the news?" It was his last – and desperate – shot at trying to make him stay. If Grey hadn't been enough, he doubted his rebound nurse would be, but he figured he had nothing to lose.

"No. Rose... definitely wasn't happy." The talk with Rose had been all but painless. He knew he'd used her, but seeing her say it out loud had been surprisingly painful for him. So much for being the always perfect McDreamy. "But she understood. I think."

"Well." Mark raised his glass and tried to sound as cheerful as possible. "I hope you'll find what you're looking for."

Derek smiled and did the same. "So do I."

x.x.x

"So I'll pick you up for lunch?"

Addison nodded, her broad smile matching Kevin's. "I had a great time last night... and this morning. Thanks. Again. For... everything."

Kevin smirked at that. "Oh, thank _you_. For _everything_." And the way he said that last word made Addison giggle slightly before taking a step back out of the elevator.

"See you at lunch." She turned around to leave, but she couldn't start walking away before she heard Kevin's voice behind her.

"Addison?" She turned to face him with a smile that only got wider when he placed a small kiss on her lips. "Have a nice day, doctor."

"You too, officer." She watched the doors of the elevator close between them before joining her co-workers at Dell's desk. "Good morning, everyone!"

"That was... very inappropriate." The tone in which Violet said it made Addison think inappropriate was code for disgusting.

"Well, I think it was sweet." Addison smiled gratefully at Cooper, but Violet glared at him.

"Well, of _course_ you would think so." And she grabbed her coffee – and a box that looked suspiciously like it had a cake inside – and turned around, walking briskly towards her office.

Cooper sighed and went back to the file he was reading. "She's not very happy about me and Charlotte." Addison nodded and tried to think of something to say, but thankfully for her Cooper kept talking without waiting for an answer. "Anyway, if you have a moment later I'd like you to take a look at one of my patients. He's three months old and I think he may need surgery."

Addison took the file from him. "Sure. I'll go by your office as soon as I'm finished with Kathleen."

"Thanks." Cooper smiled at her. "And I still think it was sweet."

Addison chuckled and started walking towards her office. "I think so, too."

x.x.x

"So you really are leaving." Mark put the last of Derek's suitcases in the car while Derek locked the trailer.

"I really am leaving." With one last look at the trailer that had been his home for the last year and a half, he walked towards the car and held the keys out for Mark. "You sure you don't want it?"

Mark shook his head. "And go back to having to think of what to eat? I love the hotel life."

Derek chuckled and put the keys in his pocket. "Well, feel free to stop by and fish whenever you feel like it." But he suspected Mark only put up with the great outdoors for their friendship's sake.

"You still haven't told me where you're going to live."

"In a hotel, for now." Mark gave him a look. "In Los Angeles. I'm moving to Los Angeles."

"Los Angeles? You know she lives there, right?" Mark was pretty sure the city where Addison lived was the last place Derek should be moving to to get a fresh start.

"I know. But it's a big city and she has nothing to do with the hospital where I'll be working." At Mark's questioning look, Derek shrugged slightly. "I may have googled her last night."

Mark couldn't help but laugh. "You googled your ex-wife? That's very... stalkerish of you."

"I just did it to make sure I won't be running into her. This is a fresh start. No ex-anything allowed." Derek looked at his watch. "Anyway, I have to get going. My new Chief made sure I understood how important it is for me to be at the hospital tomorrow morning for my first day."

After an awkward pause, they shared a friendly hug, both of them realizing they were Mark and Derek once again. "Take care, man."

Derek smiled at him as he started the engine. "You too."

x.x.x

"What did you think?" Addison jumped slightly, not expecting Cooper to be waiting for her by his office's door.

"Brady's gonna need surgery. I talked to the parents and they gave their consent, so we just need to talk to Charlotte and let her know we're transferring him to St. Ambrose's."

Cooper nodded at her words. "I'll talk to her. He's my patient, so I'd rather handle it myself."

"All right." She smiled at him and put on her coat. "Let me know how it went when the surgery's over."

"Wait... you're not gonna go in?"

Addison shook her head. "I'm not in the surgical team. I'd love to scrub in, but I'm here as an OB/GYN."

"The parents want you in the case, though. They told me they googled you and are very impressed."

"Well, I am an impressive woman." They both chuckled at that. "All right, if Charlotte doesn't have a problem, you can count me in."

"I'll talk to her." Addison nodded and thanked him before walking towards the elevator. "I'd appreciate it if you returned the favor by putting in a word for me at the police department. Some traffic tickets I'd like to see disappearing."

She laughed and pressed the elevator button. "I'll see what I can do."

x.x.x

"I'm coming! I'm co..." Sam stopped mid-sentence when he opened the door and saw who was on the other side. "Derek? What are you...?"

"Sam. It's been a long time; it's so good to see you." He shook Sam's hand – that had gone limp with the shock – and smiled at him, waiting for him to say something.

"Hi... hey! Derek. Derek Shepherd! It's... definitely been a long time." He snapped out of the shock and stepped aside so he could walk in. "Come on in, man. How have you been? Want something to drink?"

"Beer?" Derek looked around the apartment as he followed Sam to the kitchen. He had a nice place; he had to admit Sam's bachelor beach house kicked his bachelor trailer's ass. "You have a beautiful place here. I heard about you and Nae, by the way, how are you two doing?"

"We're doing good. Good." He could only assume he'd heard it from Addison, but he didn't know exactly how much she'd told him.

"I'm glad to hear that." Sam nodded while he grabbed two beers from the refrigerator, and Derek smirked when he saw what could only be described as a very sexy woman performing a not-so-sexy naked dance behind the next house's curtains. "Nice view you have here, by the way."

"Yeah, it's..." Sam almost dropped the beers when he realized what Derek was looking at. "It's a very nice view. Let's go to the living room, shall we?"

But Derek was still looking at the silhouette in front of him. If he didn't know better, he said it was... No, it couldn't be. She didn't dance around the house, let alone naked. But it really did look like... "You're gonna think I'm crazy, but is that...?"

Sam practically dragged him to the couch, not letting him finish his question. "So! What brings you here? To LA? I thought you were in Seattle, not... here."

"I was." Derek opened his beer and smiled at Sam. "I thought I'd drop by and thank you for the card. It was nice of you. All of you."

"Well, you're... definitely welcome." He vaguely remembered Naomi telling him something about Addison and a birthday card. "But a call would have been fine; you didn't have to come all the way here to thank me."

Derek chuckled at that. "I've accepted a job in town. I needed a change and I figured LA could be a nice place to live."

Sam choked a little on his beer. Derek lived here now? Did Addison know? He figured he didn't. He also figured this was the end of bubbly Addison. "It is a nice place. Very nice place. Change is also very nice... you know Addie lives here, right?"

"I know." Derek finished his beer before continuing. "I won't go anywhere near your practice, though. I'm here for a fresh start. I don't want to be on her way, I just want a new life in a new city, that's all."

"All, right, well, looks like you have it all planned out." They both chuckled – Sam more nervously than Derek – and Sam glanced at his watch. Naomi would be there soon, and it wouldn't be pretty if she saw Derek in his living room. "Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I'm expecting someone, and..."

Derek smirked and winked at him. "I see, don't worry about it. I have a surgery first thing tomorrow according to my new Chief, so I should go get some rest."

"Great." Sam led him to the door. "We'll definitely have a drink tomorrow night, though. To catch up?"

"Sure" Derek smiled and shook his hand again. "It's really good to see you again, Sam."

"Good to see you too."

x.x.x

"Montgomery. Are you sure you're not too soft for the OR after all this time with the quackery?"

Addison smiled at Charlotte and finished scrubbing her hands. She'd missed the OR. C-sections weren't the same as operating on a baby's brain. "I'll be just fine. I appreciate your concern, though."

"I'm only concerned about my hospital. By the way, our new neurosurgeon just signed his contract; he'll be working with you today. He's supposed to be the best there is."

Addison tied up her mask and chuckled to herself. "I know someone who'd be very pissed off if he heard you calling someone else the best neuro..." She stopped mid-sentence to stare at the person who'd just walked into the scrub room.

"Dr. Shepherd, it's good to see you again. I've just sent a copy of your contract to your office." She nodded at Addison. "This is Dr. Montgomery, the neonatal surgeon who'll be working with you today. I was just telling her about you joining our team."

After a few moments of staring at her eyes – the only thing he could see thanks to the mask – he finally realized why they looked so familiar. "Addison."

"Oh, you know each other?"

Addison glared at Derek. "Vaguely." She couldn't believe he was now working in her Los Angeles. Her city. "I'm all done here. I'll see you in the OR, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek could only nod, still too shocked to speak. "Well, I have a hospital to run, so I'll see you after the surgery. Good luck, doctor. It's good to have you with us."

x.x.x

"Do you think we should tell her?" Naomi looked worriedly at her friend from the gallery. Just when she was beginning to like this new and smilier version of Addison...

"I don't think so." Sam massaged his head, which'd started to hurt after hours of talking about Derek. "I mean, he did say he didn't want to see her, so we shouldn't worry her for nothing."

"Worry who?" Cooper sat down next to Sam and took a sip of his coffee.

"Addison's ex-husband is in town."

"Addison has an ex-husband? Why didn't we know that?"

"She doesn't like to talk about him." Naomi cocked her eyebrow at Cooper then. "What are you doing here?"

"Brady is my patient." He pointed at Derek, who'd just entered the OR. "And I wanted to see this. See that guy? He's new here, the best neurosurgeon in the country, according to Charlotte. I can't remember his name."

Naomi shot up from her seat and pressed her face to the glass in front of her to take a better look. "Derek Christopher Shepherd."

"Shepherd! Yeah, that's him. You know him?"

"Well." Sam sighed and rubbed his temples. "I guess we won't need to tell her, after all."

x.x.x

"Ready to start, Dr. Montgomery?"

Addison didn't look at Derek. "Ten blade."

They didn't talk to each other for the first hour of the surgery. They were both good enough at their jobs to be able to work together without giving each other any indications. Addison broke the silence a few minutes later, without taking her eyes off their patient. "What are you doing here? Haven't I been punished enough?"

"This has nothing to do with you, Addison. I just needed a change of scenery."

"A change of scenery?" Addison let out an indignant sound. "This is my scenery. You made it perfectly clear that yours has rainbow trout and poison oak all over it, and my scenery has white sand and beautiful people. You can't use my scenery."

"Don't be ridiculous." Addison shot him a killer look. "Look, I didn't even want to see you, all right? I came here because I was offered a job and I figured the change would be good for me. I didn't know you worked here, it didn't say it on the internet!"

"I don't. And you googled me!? What kind of sick man googles his ex-wife?"

"A man who doesn't want to see his ex-wife and just wants a fresh start!"

"Well, you can't get a fresh start here." Addison shook her head. "I live here. This is my area, you said you just wanted Seattle and you had Seattle, you don't get to come here with your hair and your memories and talk about fresh starts!"

"What does my hair have to do with it!?"

"Your hair is a part of you!" Addison took a deep breath. "You, Derek. You. The man who I cheated on, the one who cheated on me. You and your hair and your memories of adultery can't be in my life anymore."

"Can we please drop this until after the surgery?" Derek looked at the baby on the table. "I have this baby's brain open here, and I don't want all our adultery and bitterness leaking inside."

"What!? What are you talking about?"

"Stevens." Derek cleared his throat, slightly ashamed of himself. "She has a theory."

"Don't." Addison shook her head. "See? You get here and you take the whole city of Seattle with you." She sighed and looked at the patient again. "We'll finish this conversation later."

"Thank you."

x.x.x

"Listen, Addison, I..."

But Addison cut him off as she dried her hands. In the three hours of surgery, she'd had plenty of time to think about the fact that he was now apparently living in LA. "No, you listen to me. I've moved on. I'm Zen. I'm LA. I'm happy. And I will not let you ruin that. We can peacefully co-exist in the same city. You'll stick to your hospital, I'll stick to my practice, and we'll co-exist. I can keep my new life, my new friends and my new... magic, and you can get your new scenery away from all that."

"All right." She nodded at him and moved to exit the scrub room, but he stopped her before she reached the door. "Addison? I really didn't think I'd see you. I honestly don't want to mess with all those new things of yours; I'm just trying to find mine."

"I appreciate that." And she half-smiled at him before walking out, almost bumping into Charlotte when she came in.

"Beautiful work, Dr. Shepherd. You'll be a great match with St. Ambrose's."

Derek smiled and shook her hand. "Thank you, Dr. King. I hope I will be."


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Kevin was in the middle of chopping the tomatoes he needed for his world-famous Bolognese sauce when the doorbell rang. After wiping his hands clean with his apron, he walked towards the door and opened it, smiling at the sight of Addison standing in front of him.

"Hey, you're early!" He placed a quick kiss on her lips and stepped aside to let her walk in, but Addison's slight frown didn't leave her face, and he figured something was wrong with her. "How was the surgery?" Addison huffed and placed her jacket neatly on the back of the couch, going straight to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of wine. "Addison?"

She took a sip of her wine and closed her eyes for a moment. "Derek is here. _Derek_ is in town."

"Okay." He nodded and looked at her, trying to read her face. "And that's clearly not good, because Derek is..."

"My ex-husband."

"Oh. We have an ex-husband."

"Yes." She sighed and took another sip of her wine. "We have an ex-husband. _I_ have an ex-husband. Of course it's me. I'm all about the baggage."

"Well, I happen to think all that baggage makes you interesting and complex. In a good way." And he shot her a smile and walked past her towards the stove, going back to his Bolognese.

"That was when the baggage was far away. In Seattle. But now it's here, Kevin. Here." He nodded and kept stirring, and Addison started working on the half-prepared salad, just to keep her hands occupied. "And he says he wants a change of scenery. This is America, you know? There are fifty freaking states and he has to choose this one. _My_ one. When we both know he doesn't like beachy sceneries anyway. He likes trees and raccoons and rainbow trout." She punctuated the last two words with the energetic chopping of a cucumber. "He should have gone to... Vermont. Or somewhere else. Somewhere that's not California."

Kevin nodded again and turned around, blowing on the sauce on his wooden spoon before bringing it to her lips. "How's that?" Addison licked her lips and nodded in approval, and he went back to his pasta as he spoke again. "We don't have rainbow trout around here, that's true."

"Thank you. That's what I'm saying." She kept chopping as she spoke. "He wanted Seattle, and I gave him Seattle. And now he comes here, with his hair and his neurosurgery, and says he needs a change of scenery. In my city. In my Los Angeles." She gestured with the knife as she spoke, and Kevin quickly took it away when he noticed. "Give it back. I'm a surgeon; I can handle sharp metal objects."

"And I'm a cop. I can handle angry women with sharp knives."

"I am not angry." And she took the knife back and resumed chopping the cucumber. "I'm just... I'm not angry. But he shouldn't be here. He doesn't belong here. He belongs in Seattle."

Kevin nodded and put the pasta in two plates before carefully pouring the sauce over them. "You better throw away that... what's left of that cucumber. Come on, let's go eat."

"I just can't believe him. Who does he think he is, moving to LA?" She threw the irregular pieces on the trashcan and followed him to the table. "Are you listening to me?"

"Of course I am." He sat down on the opposite side of the table and poured two glasses of wine. "Your ex-husband is here, and you don't think he has the right to move to the city you live in, because he won't be able to fish here. I got it."

"And?" Kevin started eating and looked at her as if asking for an explanation. "Aren't you at least a little bit concerned? My ex-husband is here, and you have nothing to say about it?"

"Well." He took a sip of his wine and smiled slightly when Addison finally took the fork in her hand. "Is this conversation a prelude to the one where you break up with me to go back to him?"

"No! Of course not, Kevin."

"Well, in that case, I have nothing to be concerned about." He smiled at her. "Now, start eating. And, for the record? This is a romantic dinner to celebrate our first month." Addison's face lit up at that, and she shot him a beaming smile. "There it is. Much better." And she couldn't help but giggle as she started eating. Happy Addison was finally back.

x.x.x

Sam walked into the bar a little bit late for his meeting with Derek – it hadn't been easy to convince Naomi that he wasn't doing it because he hated Addison – and smiled when he saw his friend, already drinking a beer at the bar. Even though Naomi had gotten Addison after the divorce and that meant Derek was rightfully his friend, Sam was also Addison's friend, and right now he wasn't quite sure on where he stood if it came to taking sides. But he'd have been lying if he said he hadn't missed Derek, and he was willing to risk facing Naomi's wrath if it meant he could have a few drinks with his friend.

"Hey! Congratulations on your surgery. You did a beautiful job."

Derek smiled and nodded at his words. "It was a good start for my new life." He ordered a drink for Sam and went on. "I saw you and Nae in the gallery. You guys back together?"

"We are. We're... working on it."

"Baby steps, huh?" Derek smiled when Sam nodded in agreement. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." Sam looked at his beer for a moment and then back at Derek. He didn't want to jinx what he had with Naomi by talking about it. "So! A change of scenery. I thought you were happy in Seattle."

"I was. At some point I was, anyway. But I needed change. Figure out my life, find my place in the grand scheme of things..."

"In short, you turned forty."

Derek chuckled and nodded at his words. "Yeah. I guess that had something to do with it."

"You know, most men buy a new car when midlife crisis hits." Sam smirked at his friend. "You must be feeling old if you felt the need for a whole new life."

"I'm not feeling old. I'm mature. I'm in the best stage of my life, I'm young but experienced. I'm... yeah, I'm feeling old." Both men chuckled at that. "But we're not old, right?"

"Well... my baby's thirteen years old. Let me tell you, that doesn't really make me feel like a teen."

"Maya's thirteen already!? Baby Maya, with her pigtails and her dolls?" Sam nodded as he finished his beer. "Man, we're old."

"We are old. But we've still got it. It's a known fact that women prefer older men. No woman wants a pre-pubescent blond surfer that's never had to shave when she can have a real man. An experienced man. Like us."

Derek was slightly confused by Sam's obvious resentment when talking about the hypothetical blond surfer, but he nodded anyway. "Exactly. We're successful doctors. We're sexy. We have great hair." He smirked slightly. "Some of us, anyway."

"Bald is beautiful. Bald is sexy." Sam pointed at him with his beer. "Women dig bald men. You have to be a real man to be able to pull off the bald look."

"We've still got it."

Sam touched his empty bottle to Derek's. "We've still got it."

x.x.x

"So, what's the verdict? Do I or do I not make the best Bolognese you've ever tasted?"

Addison took the clean plate Kevin was handing her and started drying it off. "It wasn't too bad." But her playful smirk betrayed her true feelings on the subject, and Kevin's fake glare made her chuckle before continuing. "It was the best I've ever had."

"Well, stick around." And he winked at her. "For our second month, I may let you try my chicken Alfredo."

She smiled and started putting the plates away. Their second month. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this hopeful and optimistic about a relationship. Finally, her life was moving forward. She was with a mature, sweet and thoughtful man who adored her, cooked for her and wasn't scared in the slightest to talk about the future. Moving to Los Angeles had been the best decision of her adult life, and she now knew, without a trace of a doubt, that she was home. She was sure things would keep getting even better, and even if they didn't – even if they stayed the same – she'd be pretty damn happy about it.

"Addison? Are you there?" She smiled at him and took the wet plate he'd been holding for the duration of her daydream. "What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking... that I'm really happy I moved here."

He grinned and handed her another plate. "That makes two of us."

It was definitely a change – a very good one – to be with a man like Kevin. A man who made her laugh and smile and grin like a fool, and who wasn't scared of doing the same. Kevin was definitely exactly what she'd been looking for. And she happily went on drying the plates, letting a comfortable silence fall between them.

"How do you feel about weekend get-aways?"

Addison looked up from the plate in her hands, smiling at him. "I'm very much in favor of weekend get-aways. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go somewhere one of these days. Somewhere not too far away, just to spend a couple of days together. I know this great place two hours from here, a gorgeous camping spot, you're gonna..." But he stopped talking when he saw the smile on her face falter slightly. "What?"

"I'm sorry, but I don't do camping."

"What?" He handed her the last plate and dried his hands, then leaned against the sink to look at her with his best mocking face. "What do you mean you don't do camping?"

"I mean I don't do camping. I don't like camping. I hate it, actually. You wanna take me somewhere, make sure it has real walls and a roof."

"How can you hate it if you've never tried it?"

"Oh, I have tried it. I lived in a trailer in the middle of nowhere for months last year. I know camping, and I know I hate it."

"You lived in a trailer?" He chuckled slightly at that. "You? With the heels and the hair? Really?"

"Yes, really." She placed the plate on the cupboard with maybe a little more force than what was strictly necessary. "Because Derek became a flannel-wearing fisherman and decided civilization was overrated." She made a small exasperated sound and started drying the last plate. "And now he's here. What the hell does a lumberjack do in Los Angeles!?" Kevin sensed the storm that was starting to form, and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, hoping to distract her by kissing that spot behind her ear.

"He clearly doesn't belong here. There aren't even interns at St. Ambrose's. He's out of his element, and he came here just to mess up my life. He did it out of spite, because he's a vengeful..."

"I'm trying to kiss you, here. It'd be great if you cooperated." But Addison ignored him.

"I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I'm saying, this man, who is my ex-husband, moved all the way here from Seattle just to mess with me. He wants to drive me crazy. That's obviously what he wants. And you don't seem to care!"

"That's because I don't care, Addison." She turned around in his arms to face him, a slight pout on her face. "Listen, I trust you. You say you're not gonna break up with me to go back to him? I believe you. And that's all I care about." He smirked at the small smile that was beginning to form on her lips. "And, you know, if he tries to get near you to drive you crazy... I'll just _swat_ him away." And the look on his face said he was more than proud of his own joke.

She chuckled and failed miserably at trying to put on a stern face. "That was pitiful. You should be ashamed of yourself."

"You know I have no shame." He smirked at her. "Wine?"

"Are you trying to get me drunk so I'll forget about your awful pun?"

Kevin chuckled at that. "No. I'm trying to get you drunk so you won't be able to drive and you'll have to spend the night here with me." He leaned closer to her. "And I mean that in the dirtiest possible way."

Addison shot him a fake glare and pretended to be offended by his words, but she let out a quiet giggle and kissed him back when he kissed her and started moving towards the stairs.

x.x.x

"So, how's everything around here?"

Sam took the third beer of the night from the bartender and shrugged slightly. "Everything's fine. Maya's fine, Naomi is fine, I'm fine. But, since this is about the fifth time you've asked that, I'm assuming you don't really mean to ask about us." Derek pretended to be enthralled by some undetermined sight in front of him, and Sam went on. "And since you don't even know my co-worker's names, I'm gonna take a wild guess here and say you want me to tell you about Addison."

"I did not say that. I did not ask you about her." Maybe he did have a hint of curiosity. She was his ex-wife, after all, and she had a new life that he knew next to nothing about. Any sane man would have been at least a little bit curious about it.

"Good, because I promised Naomi I wouldn't talk about her." He suppressed a smirk when Derek's face showed a hint of disappointment. "So. Do you have a house yet?"

Derek nodded at his words. "My realtor sent me an e-mail with some options, I'm gonna start seeing them tomorrow." He looked at that fascinating point in the distance again. "Where does she live? Just so I don't end up living next door to her."

"You've never been good at this game." Sam shook his head. "She lives next door to my place, so stay clear of..." Derek choked slightly on his beer, and Sam stopped mid-sentence to look at him. "Are you all right?"

"I'm... I'm fine." Derek was still recovering from the shock of finding out the naked dancing woman from the night before had been, indeed, his ex-wife. Apparently, Addison's new life in Los Angeles came with naked dancing. "Next door? Seriously? Does she do the naked dance every night, or was last night some kind of special occasion?"

Sam's eyes widened at that. He'd completely forgotten about that. Naomi was going to kill him. "Not _that_ next door. The _other_ next door. The other one. The one with... no naked dancing whatsoever."

"Nice try." Derek smirked slightly as he continued. "But I've seen her naked enough times to be able to recognize her, even from afar. Can't say I've ever seen her naked _and_ dancing, though."

"All right, change of subject." Sam tried to erase the mental image of Naomi threatening to skin him alive from his brain. "Why Los Angeles? I mean, I'd never have pegged you for the California kind of man."

"I had a job offer here." He shrugged slightly. "And I saw how much Addison's changed after moving here, so I figured it'd work just as well for me."

"And... you really didn't see anything wrong with that plan? Like Addison being already here?"

"Well, this is a big city. I didn't think we'd have to see each other at all. We don't have to, actually, we've agreed on that point."

"So you talked to her?" He figured he'd already said the worst part – nothing could be worse than letting Derek know he'd seen Addison dancing naked – and Naomi would kill him anyway. A little bit of innocent gossip couldn't do more damage. "How did that go?"

"Not too badly, given the circumstances." He sighed slightly. "Things with us are... we're civil, or we were before I moved here, but still, we're... it's complicated."

Sam cocked his eyebrow at him. "It's not complicated. Me and Naomi? With this thing where we don't know if we love or hate each other and whether we want to give us a chance? Complicated. You and Addison at least know you can't stand each other. It's never complicated if there aren't feelings involved."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"Because there are no feelings involved, right? This is not you coming here to sweep her off her feet and bring her back with you, right?"

"What!?" Derek chuckled heartily at Sam's ridiculous idea. "No! I don't want to go back there. That's... somewhere I really don't wanna go back to."

"Good. Because Naomi will kill you. And then she'll come back home and kill me for letting you ruin Addison's magical thing."

"She has a... magical thing?" Derek could hardly resist the urge to laugh, but his curiosity got the best of him. Unfortunately for him, Naomi had been very clear on what would happen to Sam's nether region if he so much as mentioned Kevin.

"She's happy now." Sam shook his head. He really needed to find some new friends. Some less problematic friends. "Listen, I'm glad you're here. And I think you didn't do anything wrong by moving here. But just... don't do anything you may regret. Put the past behind you and move on, that's what you came here to do, right?" At Derek's nod, he went on. "Then stop thinking about Addison and start your new life."

"All right." Derek had to admit Sam had a point. He did want a new life. He was free to have it. She didn't have to worry about Addison. "Is this the kind of crap you put in your book?"

Derek's smirk made Sam laugh heartily before paying for their drinks and walking with him towards the door. "I don't accept criticism from men who've never been on TV."

x.x.x

"Good morning, Nae!"

Naomi looked up from the chart she was reading and smiled at her friend, who'd just walked into the kitchen. "Morning. You're happy today. What a surprise!"

Addison chuckled at Naomi's fake surprised look. "I'm very happy. Kathleen's coming for her ultrasound later, by the way. You can come and we'll find out if we made a boy or a girl together."

"She's five months along already?"

Addison nodded proudly. "Twenty-two weeks tomorrow."

"I told you you'd like the baby-making game. Let me know when she gets here and I'll stop by to see her." Addison nodded and sat down. "So... you're happy? Happy-happy?"

Addison gave her an odd look. "Yes, Nae. I'm happy-happy. Is there a reason why I shouldn't be?"

"Well..." Naomi had allowed Addison a week for the news of Derek's move to sink in. She hadn't called her to ramble about it yet, and Naomi wasn't completely sure if it was a good or a bad thing. After twenty years of friendship, though, she was leaning more towards the bad thing. She was Addison, after all. "Derek's been here for a week, and you still haven't talked to me about it."

Addison's smile stayed on her face. "That's because there's nothing to talk about. He's at the hospital, I'm here, we can co-exist in the same big city."

"You sure about that?" Naomi wasn't too convinced. She wanted to believe Addison, and she wanted to believe that this happiness thing was here to stay, but she couldn't help but worry about her friend. "You're not burying your feelings under layers of forced happiness so I'll leave you alone only to have a nervous breakdown when I finally let myself believe you're all right?"

"No, Naomi. I'm not going to have any nervous breakdowns, and there are most definitely no feelings to be buried. I'm perfectly all right. I've never been better."

"All right, all right. I believe you." Naomi looked down at her chart, but changed her mind after a moment. "Wait, no feelings? You can't expect me to believe _that_."

"What? It's true; I have no feelings towards him. Not even a little feeling. Nothing."

Naomi shook her head. "But... he's Derek! I mean, I know you don't love him, and you're most definitely not in love with him, but you have to feel something. You were together for... what, thirteen years?"

"Fifteen."

"Fifteen years. There's no way you can be with someone for fifteen years and then not have feelings for him."

"Well, I don't." Addison shrugged slightly, and took a moment to find the right words to explain what she felt. "I'm drained. I squeezed my feelings for him so they'd last until things got better, until he came back after he left, until he decided whether or not to give me another chance, until he got over his intern, and then until he regained his sanity and decided to leave her and come back to me. Which, as you know, never happened. I squeezed them until there was nothing else for me to give. And now I'm drained. I don't feel anything for him. He's like any other person in the world."

Naomi looked down. She hated to think of what her best friend had put herself through. If only she'd called her sooner, she'd have slapped some sense into her. "So you're fine?"

"I'm fine." Addison smiled at her. "I'm happy."

"Well, that's news." Violet walked into the kitchen with the same don't-mess-with-me look on her face that she'd been sporting ever since they found out about Cooper and Charlotte. But neither Naomi nor Addison were brave enough to touch the subject, at least not while Violet looked like she'd bite anyone that mentioned them. As far as they were concerned, Violet was perfectly all right. And she – of course – didn't care about Cooper and Charlotte King.

"Morning, Violet." Naomi smiled at her. "Sam asked me to tell you you're in charge of the ice for tonight."

Violet turned around with her cup of coffee and looked at her. "Yeah... I'm not going tonight."

"What? Why?"

"I've decided I need to spend more time with myself. Rent a movie, eat some comfort food, and let the bad thoughts out. I'm psychotherapizing myself."

"Psychotherapizing? Is that even a wor..." But Violet's glare made Addison stop mid-question and quit laughing, and Naomi decided to speak before someone – probably Addison, judging by the killer look on Violet's face – got hurt.

"Let's not argue about semantics, all right?" Naomi smiled soothingly at Violet. "You take the night to... psychotherapize yourself. Addison and Kevin can handle the ice."

"Kevin can't come tonight, he has a SWAT thing. But I'll handle the ice."

"Kevin can't come?" Naomi immediately looked at Addison, expecting a frown to have replaced the smile, but Addison still looked perfectly happy when she shook her head. And Naomi had to admit, it was very tempting to believe that Addison was in fact happy in her adult relationship. "All right, you're in charge of the ice."

Addison nodded and looked at Violet. "So you're doing some healing tonight?"

"I am. I need to let the bad things out. Let them... go."

"You need to drain yourself." Violet looked at her as if she'd suddenly realized Addison could actually say things that made sense. "It works. I got drained, and look at me now. Happy. Zen. Magical."

"So it really works, huh?" Addison nodded proudly. "All right, I'm draining myself. How long did it take you to get all drained and... Zen?" And she pointed in Addison's direction, frowning a little in slight disgust when she looked at her beaming smile.

"Fifteen years."

"Well, that's... promising." Violet looked down, and Naomi decided to speak before she lost that little bit of enthusiasm she was displaying before.

"Yes, but look at her now! And you know she was even worse than you when she got here, so the process is faster here in LA."

Violet looked far from convinced, and Addison decided to help out. "It's worth it, Violet. My ex-husband is in town, and I couldn't care less. I'm happy and I'm fine. And, you know, if I had to? I don't think I'd mind seeing him. Because I'm drained, and he can't affect me."

Naomi and Violet's interests peaked at that, but since Naomi was apparently too shocked to form a coherent question, it was Violet who asked. "You wouldn't mind seeing him."

"Nope." Addison shook her head. "I wouldn't mind seeing him."

"You wouldn't mind seeing who?"

The three women turned to look at Sam, who'd just entered the room. "Derek. I wouldn't mind seeing Derek."

"Well, that's good." Sam put on a nonchalant act that none of them bought as he moved towards the coffee pot. "Because he's coming tonight."

"What!?"

"Oh, I'm coming tonight!" Violet's delighted smile didn't falter when the other two women looked at her. "Don't look at me like that; you know how entertaining she is when she loses it. It'll cheer me up more than any psychotherapy could."

"She's not losing anything." Naomi glared at Sam. "Samuel Bennett, what did you just say?"

"Derek is my friend, all right?" Sam poured himself a cup of coffee. "And I invited him to a get-together at my place, because that's what friends do."

"It's an Oceanside get-together! They originated as Oceanside get-togethers, I know because I invented them." Addison went on, animated by Naomi's nodding. "And Derek works at St. Ambrose's, so he has no business coming to our get-together."

"You know what, I'm with her on this one." Violet looked amazed that she'd just said that herself. "The St. Ambrose's people should have St. Ambrose's get-togethers. I don't see why we have to feed them and give them alcohol, our get-togethers are for us to mingle and have fun. Us. Not them."

"Thank you!" Addison smiled at Violet, but Sam spoke again.

"You know this is only about Derek, right? Charlotte is non-negotiable."

Violet thought about it for a second and then shrugged and decided to cut her loses. "All right, then. I'm with Sam." She ignored Addison and Naomi's glares and went on. "I still think the ex thing will be entertaining."

"Thank you, Violet." Sam looked at the other two women. "Listen, the man just moved into his new place, he doesn't even have a decent couch yet. And he wanted me to come over tonight to have a few beers but I had to say no, and I couldn't just ditch him when he has no other friends."

"Well, that's his problem, not mine! He had plenty of friends in Seattle. Plenty. He should have stayed there with his friends." Addison pointed accusingly at Sam. "We had an agreement. And you invited him!? We agreed that we wouldn't see each other at all!"

"I told him you'd be there, and he said he didn't mind. He said he'd come if you didn't have a problem with it."

Addison was about to argue and tell him she had many problems with it, but she thought about it and chose not to. Derek was apparently making a big show of how mature he was, and how much of an adult he was being about it. She wasn't going to be the one with the flipping-out problem. "I don't have a problem."

"Addison…" Naomi wasn't as sure as her friend, but Addison cut her off.

"I'm drained. He can't affect me. I don't mind if he comes."

"Good." Sam smiled at her and did her best to ignore Naomi's threatening glare. "I'll let him know, then." And he walked out of the room.

"Don't worry about the ice thing, by the way. I'll handle it." Violet smiled to herself as she left the kitchen. Tonight was going to be fun.

x.x.x

A few hours later, Derek held a bottle of wine in one hand and used the other to knock on Sam's door. He was more nervous than she cared to admit. She'd only accepted Sam's invitation because he was sure Addison would flip out and convince Sam not to let him go. He was sure she'd let him off the hook and turn him into the wronged party, all at once. It'd always been that way before. But Addison – against all odds – was apparently fine with spending an evening with him, and he wasn't about to be the one having problems with it. He wasn't going to be the immature one.

"Hey!" Sam took the bottle from him. "Come on in, everyone's outside, I'll introduce you."

He followed Sam outside, and he couldn't help but feel that – in his unspoken battle with Addison – she had the advantage of being the home player. This was already her home, and he had only lived here for a week. These were her co-workers. Her friends. They all knew her and – presumably – liked her, and he was the new kid. Her ex-husband. He was well aware of the fact that, even if Addison hadn't told them all the details, they were all on her side by default. He suddenly understood a little better why Addison had hated Seattle at first.

"Hey, everyone, this is my good friend Derek Shepherd." Sam smiled and pointed from one person to the next. "Derek, those are Dell, Violet, Pete, Cooper, and you already know Charlotte, Nae and Addison." Charlotte's face was the picture of friendliness – she still couldn't believe she'd gotten Derek Shepherd to sign a contract with St. Ambrose's – but Naomi and Addison didn't look so thrilled about seeing him there.

"I've heard a lot about all of you." He had. Sam had told him all about them. About the pediatrician who was dating his boss, the psychiatrist that wasn't happy at all about that fact, the receptionist that was good at his job but tended to be out of line, and the holistic doctor that was a friend of Sam's.

After the introductions, everyone went back to their previous conversations, and Derek saw Addison walk into the kitchen, presumably going to refill her glass. He wasn't sure if she was putting up a brilliant act or if she was actually that indifferent towards him, and he didn't really know what option he preferred. He'd never entertained the thought of Addison being over him before.

"Derek." Naomi – after being nudged by Sam – decided to talk to him. "I don't hate you, all right? I just… she's my friend."

"I know." Derek nodded at her words. "I'm happy to see you, though."

Naomi smiled slightly. "I'm happy to see you too." And she gave him a friendly hug. "Don't make me regret those words, you understand me?"

He chuckled at her words. "I promise."

"Good." She eyed him suspiciously but decided to let it go. Even if him coming to their get-togethers became a regular thing, she was fairly sure Addison could handle one meeting a week. And Kevin was normally there, too, so she'd have moral support. On the other hand, Addison, Derek and Kevin in the same house didn't exactly make her think of friendly times. She sighed as she followed the two men towards the barbeque. She really needed to find herself some sane friends.

x.x.x

Addison was pouring her second glass of wine when she heard the glass door slide open behind her. She hoped it wasn't Naomi forcing her to go outside and talk to Derek. She was fine. She could handle this. She just needed a little bit more wine and a little bit more time to pull herself together. This was her safe place. Her home. Her new life. And – even though she still thought she had no feelings for Derek – seeing him there did have an effect on her. He brought back memories she didn't want to think about. He was a constant reminder of all the mistakes both of them made in the last few years, and the effect those mistakes had in her life.

"Hey."

She turned around when she heard his voice behind her, and decided a nagging Naomi would have been much better than this. "Hey yourself."

"I was…" The cold tone of her voice made him shift slightly on his feet. He'd seen cool Addison countless times before, but it had been all forced. All obviously an act. It was the kind of cold tone people used to hide their true feelings. This time, though, it was literally cold. And he didn't like it one bit. "I just needed to use the bathroom."

Addison nodded and moved her glass in the direction of the stairs. "First door on the right."

"Thanks." Indifferent. She sounded indifferent. And he shouldn't care but, for some unthinkable reason, he did. He was fine with Addison hating him, wanting to kill him in a slow painful way or even resenting him forever. He was fine with her yelling at him, being a bitch and taking every single opportunity to start a fight with him. But this? Indifferent Addison? Happy indifferent Addison? That, he wasn't so fine with. And he didn't even know why. "Looks like you work with a nice bunch of people."

She nodded again. "I do."

He stayed in silence for a moment, trying to ignore the obvious impatience that was showing on her face. Her whole detached behavior was unsettling, and he could barely suppress his curiosity enough not to ask her upfront whether she really was over him. It wasn't that he wanted her to not be. He was glad she'd moved on. He just wasn't expecting her to be... _this_ over him.

"Didn't you have to use the bathroom?"

Derek snapped out of it. "Yes. Yes, I did." But he didn't move. "So you're all right?"

She shot him a warning look and placed her glass on the counter. "Excuse me?"

"I'm just... concerned, I guess. I understand you didn't want me here, I know this can't be easy for you, and..."

Addison didn't let him finish. "Don't."

"But I just..."

"You just nothing! You are not the center of my universe anymore, Derek. I've moved on. I don't care if you move here. I don't care if you go back. You could plant a tent in the freaking rainforest and move there and I still wouldn't care!" He was too taken aback to speak, and she decided to go on. "What? Did you expect to find me crying over you? Did you expect me to crawl back to you and beg you for another chance?"

"I didn't say that, Addison, I..." But he sort of did, even if he'd never admit it.

"Just stop it, Derek." She let out a small sigh. "I don't care. Stop pretending that you do. I am not heartbroken, I don't need your concern, I just need to go on with my life and be civil towards you for Sam and Nae's sakes. So... just stop it, and go to the damn bathroom already."

He nodded and headed upstairs, still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Addison was – against all odds – completely over him.

x.x.x

"I should go talk to her." Naomi was pacing nervously in front of the crystal doors, trying to resist the urge to walk inside and ask Addison if she was all right. From what she'd seen – she'd also resisted the urge to press her ear against the door to listen – her meeting with Derek hadn't gone too well.

Sam shook his head. "She'd have come out here if she needed you."

"Do you not know Addison at all?" Naomi cocked her eyebrow at him. "When has she ever asked for help?"

"All right, all right." He had to admit Naomi had a point. "But still, leave her alone. She'll figure it out. She needs to do this on her own. She needs you to have faith in her inner strength."

"I swear to God, Samuel, if you quote your book just one more time..."

"What are we watching?" Pete sat down next to Sam and looked at Naomi.

"Addison and Derek were talking a moment ago."

Pete frowned slightly. "I don't like him."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" Naomi rolled her eyes. "You don't like Kevin, either."

"I _didn't_ like Kevin. Now I think he's a decent guy. For a pretty cop, anyway." Sam chuckled at his smirk. "This one, though? I don't like him."

"Give the man a chance. You don't even know him."

But Pete didn't listen to Sam. "Look at her. She's not cheerful anymore. And, as her friend, I don't have to be his."

"Well, you're also my friend." Sam tried again. He really didn't need anyone else taking sides. He had enough with Naomi. "And as my friend, you should give him a chance."

Pete didn't look too convinced, and Naomi decided to give it a shot. "It's not gonna make it any easier for her if we turn this into some sort of war and start taking sides."

He thought about it for a moment. "I guess I can give him a chance."

x.x.x

"Don't you think you've had enough?"

Addison turned around with her fourth glass of wine in her hand and shot Derek – who'd just stepped back downstairs – an icy look. "I can control my own alcohol intake just fine, thank you very much."

He shrugged and walked towards the counter, pouring himself a drink. He didn't know why he was trying to get her all riled up, but he couldn't stop. He just wanted a reaction. Something that wasn't the cold affirmation of the absence of feelings on her part. He never thought he'd want to have Addison bitching at him. "I don't think it's good casual get-together etiquette to get drunk."

"I am not drunk." She wasn't. She was just pissed off, and having a hard time resisting the urge to smack him upside the head. "And don't talk to me about casual get-together etiquette. I introduced the get-together concept around here. Before me? They just drank at the practice. Like... animals."

He smiled a little at her serious face. "I still think you shouldn't drink any more."

"I don't remember asking you for your opinion. You don't see me telling you what you should or shouldn't do."

"That's because I'm not getting drunk one hour into the get-together."

"I am not getting drunk!" She was losing her cool. He was getting to her, and she didn't even know how that had happened. "I am perfectly capable of handling alcohol."

"That's not what I heard from the people who saw you at Joe's." He knew it was a low blow. He was aware of having stepped over some kind of line. But at least he was getting a reaction out of her. She wasn't so indifferent anymore. And he vaguely remembered having heard that reasoning before.

"Well, excuse me for being affected by my husband screwing his dirty mistress in an exam room!"

"Don't bring Meredith into this!"

"Do not defend her!" She pointed accusingly at him. It was one thing for him to be a jerk, but she wasn't going to have him defend Meredith Grey in front of her.

"Why are you yelling at me? Don't yell at me!"

"I am not yell..." But she stopped herself. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of a full-blown fight. He was obviously trying to get to her, and – even though he'd succeeded – she refused to let him know. She took a deep breath and spoke again, calmly this time. "I'm not doing this, Derek. I'm over this. I'm over you. If you want to be an asshole about it, be my guest. But I'm not going to step down to your level."

He watched in confusion as she calmly picked up her glass from the counter and started to walk away. He couldn't remember the last time she'd ended a fight, much less ended it in a way that made him look like an immature asshole. He wasn't sure it'd ever happened before. And he realized that going back to their old self-destructive routine of fighting wasn't going to make him feel any better about his life. If he wanted to be happy, and if he wanted to start a new life, he had to move on.

"Addison, wait." She turned around to face him, giving him a look that was somewhere between furious and exhausted. "I'm sorry." She cocked her eyebrow at him, as if she was waiting for the fine print on his apology. "I am. I shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"No. You shouldn't have."

"You were right; we should try to be friends, for Sam and Naomi." He took a deep breath. "You've changed. You have your new life and your new friends. And I'm trying to do the same. So... let's forget about the past, all right? Let's pretend we've just met. A fresh start."

"We can't just... forget everything that's happened."

"We can try." He smiled at her. "For Sam and Naomi."

She chuckled and shook her head. "I can't believe you're guilt-tripping me."

"So what do you say? A fresh start?" He held his hand out for her. "I'm Derek Shepherd."

She couldn't help but smile. He was a charmer, he always had been. And she hated that about him, because it was the reason why she'd stayed with him for all those years. Just when she was about to leave him, he smiled that smile of his and she couldn't walk away. But this time, it was different. She had Kevin, and she didn't have feelings for Derek. And she shook his hand with a smile on her face. "Addison Montgomery."


End file.
